Quit it!
You’ll make me mad if you don’t stop doin’ that.
You gonna
just keep jabbering? Don’t seem like it makes no difference what I say, you
just keep goin’ on. I’m tired listening to you!
No, I
didn’t forget. And quit reminding me. I’ve got ‘em on right now. You think I’m
stupid or something? I put ‘em on every morning. Don’t act like you’re trying
to be nice or something by reminding me. I just lost them that one time and
that was one time and you’re gonna
keep reminding me the rest of my life? And yes I did sleep well, but what do
you care? You used to toss and turn all night and keep me awake.
It’s bad
enough that them ladies keep pokin’ in here and asking how I’m doin’. “So, how
are We doing this morning, Mr. Pierson?”
Well, I don’t know how We are doing.
I know how I am doing, and it’s none
of your damn business. That one with the long hair is stupid. She needs to tie
it up. She pats me down like I’m three years old and her hair gets in my mouth.
They need to get rid of her. I wish they’d fire her. She thinks I’m some kind
of little baby.
Yeah, I wish
I hadn’t been gone either, but what’s done is done, and it can’t be helped and
it wasn’t my fault. How’s I to know? Don’t blame me. Yes, you are. I know you
are. You’re thinking I left that time and knew what was happenin’, but I didn’t. I didn’t know. And I was just
gone for a bit. You don’t have to say it because I know you’re thinkin’ it. Just
leave me be.
And don’t
go trying to start talkin’ nice to me now because it’s too late. I don’t want
to hear it. You had your chance to be nice, but you, you…weren’t. You weren’t nice. I don’t want to talk to you right now.
No, it’s
not here yet. It’s early. Won’t be here for another hour or so. I think they want
to feed half the building before they get here. Stuff tastes like crap when it
gets here anyway. Everything feels like white bread, feels like it’s got mold
and all on it.
That…that thing, that whatevertheycallit, they
roll in here with all them meals stacked there and they deal ‘em out like
playing cards. Looks stupid. Why can’t I have solid foods? Can’t I eat a
sandwich? Think I’m ninety? Don’t have no teeth?
Be quiet. I’m
fine. Quit asking. What do you care? You’d be here if you cared. You wouldn’t
eat anything anyway.
I didn’t do
anything wrong. I didn’t know. Yeah, I know you’re not sayin’ I did, I’m just
sayin’…just in case you’re sayin’ I did, I’m sayin’ I didn’t.
No, Lainey won’t
be here until Friday. She has that work and all, and can’t get away. It’s
important I guess. But, I’d like to see her…It would be good… but guess she
can’t get away. For a while she got by here more often. Maybe she doesn’t like
us as much anymore. Maybe we’re no fun anymore. We can just raise her up and
make her into this fine young woman and she don’t have time to come by more’n
once a week to say thank you? But she’s busy with her work and all.
But if
she’d just been here then maybe none of this woulda happened.
Okay, okay,
I’m sorry. I shouldn’t’ve said that. I’m not mad at her, I’m just thinkin’ I
wish she’d come over more often. I wish she’d been here. All we got here now
are these stupid women and they don’t know nothin’. I’m just thinking that
maybe she coulda helped in some way. I don’t know, maybe. I know it could have
happened anyway, I’m just sayin’…
But you
still shouldn’t’ve done that. I wouldn’t have done that. I didn’t want you to.
I gotta tell you, it made me mad. You shouldn’t’ve done it. I’m not blaming
you. I’m not blaming you. I’m just sayin’ you shouldn’t’ve. If I’d been here,
if Lainey had been here, maybe it would’ve been different.
You coulda
worked harder yourself, too. It wasn’t just me. You didn’t have to do that
stuff. You didn’t have to…
Quit
telling me that. Sittin’ there and telling me you loved me. I know all that. But
I don’t care. I know it was hard. I still didn’t want that.
Quit
yelling. Stop yelling. I’m not deaf. I can hear what you’re saying.
It just shouldn’t
have happened. You shouldn’t have done it. I don’t care if you would’ve been
left like that. I don’t care if you couldn’t walk any more. I don’t care if you
couldn’t talk any more. I don’t care if you’d maybe have been in some kind of
coma. I don’t care if you’d never been able to look at me again. I don’t care
if I’d have to feed you every night. I don’t care. I’d still have wanted you to
be here. I’d still have wanted to sit here by this bed and hold onto your hand.
I’d still want to talk to you, I’d still want to rub your arm, I’d still want
to look at you. I’d still want to feel your hair. I’d still want you.
But you
wouldn’t let me. You said you loved me. You said you wanted to protect me, but
goddamn it to hell you shouldn’t have done it. You shouldn’t’ve drank that
stuff. You shouldn’t’ve made it happen. And now I hate you. I love you, and I
hate you, and I miss you. And I’m alone. Goddamn alone. And I wish I could die.
So shut up
and leave me alone. The food’s coming and it’s awful, but I’ve got to eat it.
