Prayers for Things I Want to See Before I Die
God, if you can arrange it, when I’m dying,
make the sun come out and shine really bright again,
so that I can still make believe that I believe
that I can still see as far as the sun can shine.
I’d also like to eat again all those things I’ve held off on
because they said they were bad for me because I’m dying.
(PS, I’m especially fond of chocolate and of cherries and that sugary,
sweet icing from the top and sides of a store-bought white sheet cake.)
And once more, before I go,
I’d like to smell my grandmother’s apple pie,
right out of the oven.
I don’t think I could keep one down anymore, but I’d love to smell it,
the one with cheese, and cinnamon, and lemon, and nutmeg,
and apple cider vinegar…
and lots of sugar.
I miss my grandmother…
And it would be really good if you could bring together all of the world leaders
into a very big room
and tell them that they will have to sign a non-aggression pact
with everybody else in the room before they can get out,
and then plant a chip in their brains so that,
if they violate the pact,
they will be forced to hear Britney Spears singing
“Pretty Girls” in their ears for the rest of their lives.
Arrange to have someone take care of my pet squirrel, Earl.
(he’s partial to peanuts and raisins, and occasionally granola),
I think he’ll miss me when I’m gone,
and I don’t want to have to worry about him.
Make Vladimir Putin discover Jesus.
Not the hateful one of Franklin Graham,
but the good one who Father Berrigan used to hang with.
Make Franklin Graham discover Jesus
(you know which one).
And make my friend Steve finally discover someone...anyone, I don’t care who,
and then be able to settle down,
and not have to work so hard playing around anymore,
He’s a good guy and deserves a real life.
Banish the "Majority of the Majority" rule in the house
and the Filibuster in the Senate
to help Congress vote like a democracy again.
And if they refuse to do it,
plant that Brittany Spears chip in their heads, that should do it.
(I really miss our democracy)
And if you can’t get to all of those things,
at least do this:
Contact that sweet woman I gave my heart to some years ago
who took it and broke it
and never came back,
and have her come around again, at least for a while.
just a little while,
and not have to do too much.
Just ask her to sit at the side of my bed
while I am breathing poorly,
and occasionally aware,
and hold my hand.
And have her tell me that she made a mistake
that I actually was the best person for her
and that she is now sorry after all these years.
And that she always wanted to love me.
And I promise I will try to believe that I believe her.
And I will tell her I love her too.
And we will hold hands,
and I will smile.
And I will be happy.
And then I’ll die.
That’s all I want. It’s not a big list.